dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
