This house was built for laser tag.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
