i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
