Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
