Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
