He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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