i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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