Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
