After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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