Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
