His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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