ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
