i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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