Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
