If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
