Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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