Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
