Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
