yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
