Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
