My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
false alarm. still invincible.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
