He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
