Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
