Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
