And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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