I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
