we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
