I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Randomize
