I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
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