he wants to bone in the snuggie
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize