is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
