I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
