hotel room ftw
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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