walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
