The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
