i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
