i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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