I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
