when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
