If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
