No stitches, just platelets and will power
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
