Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
