The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
