she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
