i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
