I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Randomize
