Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
