what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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