Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
