Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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