This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
