and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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