You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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