every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
this must be what syphilis tastes like
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
