Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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