tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
