I think my fart just growled at me.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
