ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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