Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
