I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
