im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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