Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize