Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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