i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
