pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
